Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn’t go down on me as he didn’t like the hair. Now he won’t sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he “feels like a pedophile.” FML

Today, after making out with my girlfriend for the first time, I took down my pants only to have her say,’ Eww, what’re those drooping sacks? They look like tumours.’ She was serious. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML

Today, I found my car spray-painted with the words “Fuck you Kevin” on the hood. My name is Andrew. FML

Today, I woke up in bed after staying the night at my boyfriend’s for the first time. We’d had amazing sex that night, so I woke him up by telling him how much I had enjoyed it. He replied with, “Oh my God you snore like a man, let me get some fucking sleep.” FML

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they “were” interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him “How is the weather up there?” He then turned around, spat on me, and replied “Raining.” FML