I am doing this alone . Without anyones help , i am supposed to fight through all of this by myself . The tears that come out so instantly , the pain i feel that can crush my entire heart . I am supposed to get through this , through you . But the hardest part is just accepting that im not able to be myself again . And that , you won't be there again . That every effort we've sweat through is just being abandoned just like that . It hurts that i have to digest it in me that we are not meant to be leading our lives together . That , our time together wasn't of any value . That every happiness we went through together has now turned the other way and has become anger for you . That i had to know everything for a year and 4 bloody months has betrayed me . Yet , having to live in my own array of unresolved trauma knots . And in the end , im gonna be fighting this alone , maybe not now , but when i find the strength , i will get it done . Im sorry im not able to celebrate your birthday twice . Happy Advanced Birthday , Love ♥ ):