Swear as hell ,
i think im mentally corrupted .
No , im not just mentally corrupted .
Physically too . I spoil my own body by filling it
with tar and nicotine . Not only that , creating sins that
filths my blood . 5-10% alcohol .
Numbing myself by convincing that im stupid and hideous .
Never doing anything constructive at all .
Sometimes i feel like isolating myself and go for a rehab .
But then i'd be thinking that mentally transmitting all these
hopes/faiths/thoughts are hopeless .
Id grow back in em in no time .
Then recently i started to believe , well ,
at least i got to convince myself , that i have no beliefs ,
no hopes , no faiths , in anything . Except God .
Sometimes i try erasing the hatred i have in me ,
and i do , yet they start refreshing in my mind not long after .
Truthfully , i hate myself , for living , for loving , for doing everything
humane . My mistakes keep building without hesitation of trying to stop .
I have no aim in life anymore . Tho im not a good muslim ,
all im waiting for is to die . But dying is another phase of life .
I want an aim in life , yet i dnt know where to start ,
where to end .
Bullshit .

*take this sinking boat , and point it home ...
take me somewhere i feel safe , oh Allah ):